1. |
Lily the Pink
05:27
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I'll tell you a story
A little bit gory
A little bit happy
A little bit sad
Of Lily the Pink and her medicinal compound
And how it drove her mad
CHORUS:
We will drink, a drink, a drink
To Lily the Pink, the Pink, the Pink
The savior of (the savior of) the human race
She invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case!
Poor King John
Felt terribly wrong
He'd never wanted to be king
Soaked his Crown Jewels in medicinal compound
And now we say “Long Live the Queen!”
Poor Sir Galad
He didn't like salad
When he ate vegetables, he was cross
So he dressed them with medicinal compound
And now he likes his salad tossed!
CHORUS
Kitty Caruthers
She envied her brothers
They could stand up when they'd go
She spritzed her bits with medicinal compound,
Now she can write her name in the snow!
Master Mint
Couldn't pitch a tent
With his wife he could not lay
Till she gave him medicinal compound
Now they roll in the hay all day
CHORUS
Cherri Tart
Had a very big "heart"
Knew every man in town, truth to tell
Mixed her lipstick with medicinal compound
And know she knows their wives as well!
Tira McSu
Didn't know what to do
She was awkward with men you know
Then she gargled with medicinal compound
And now she's gone from suck to blow
CHORUS
Teenage Cupcake
Was really quite concave
She was flatter than a bench
Took a bath in medicinal compound
Now she's an overflowing wench!
Ginger Snap
Had a regular chap
Until his fibbing broke her heart
She dosed him up with medicinal compound
Now every time he lies, he sharts
CHORUS
Lily died and she went up to heaven
How the church bells they did ring!
She took with her medicinal compound
Hark the herald angels sing!
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2. |
A Toast!
00:09
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A toast! (A toast!)
Here's to all the kisses I've snatched!
And vice versa...
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3. |
Encore
02:01
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Fiddler, dear fiddler, draw music from me
With your stroke long and slow,
Make a melody sweet
Caress my long neck
Tease me with your bow, oh, oh!
Oh, please, sir, please fiddle with me
(Oh, please, sir, please fiddle with me)
Piper, dear piper, put me to your lips
I would have your breath fill me
In a lingering kiss
With your fingering deft
And your tongue on my...reed
Oh, piper, won’t you blow me?
(Oh, piper, won’t you blow me?)
Drummer, dear drummer, your bodhran I’ll be
Slap your hands on my skin,
With your bone pound a beat
Stroke a rhythm so hard,
So wild and so free
Oh, drummer, won’t you bang me?
(Oh, drummer, won’t you bang me?)
Minstrel, my minstrel, please make me your song
On your lips I would linger
I would dance on your tongue
Sure, I’ll soar to the rafters
When you hit the G!
Oh, minstrel, oralize me!
(Oh, minstrel, oralize me!)
Lover, my lover, let’s do it again,
My muse we’ve awakened
And inspired by our sin
Such beautiful music together make we...
Once again, from the top, with feeling!
Instrument swap? Why not?
Encore!
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4. |
Jug of Punch
02:14
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One pleasant evening in the month of June
As I was sitting, weaving at my loom
A small bird sat on an ivy bunch
And the song he sang was the jug of punch
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
A small bird sat on an ivy bunch
And the song he sang was the jug of punch
What more diversion can a man desire
Than to sit him down by an alehouse fire
Upon his knee, oh, a pretty wench
And upon the table a jug of punch
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Upon his knee, oh, a pretty wench
And upon the table a jug of punch
And if I get drunk, well the money’s me own
And them don't like me can leave me alone
I'll tune me fiddle and I'll rosin me bow
And I'll be welcome wherever I go
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
I'll tune me fiddle and I'll rosin me bow
And I'll be welcome wherever I go
And when I'm dead, oh, and in my grave
No costly tombstone will I crave
Just lay me down in my native peat
With a jug of punch at my head and feet
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Just lay me down in my native peat
With a jug of punch at my head and feet
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Tooralooraloo tooralooralay
Just lay me down in my native peat
With a jug of punch at my head and feet!
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5. |
Twiddles
03:21
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When the ships all go a-sailing and the men are off and gone
What about the women who are up and left alone?
They think we sit and twiddle thumbs until our men come home
But there’s other things to twiddle when a girl’s left on her own
CHORUS:
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s lots of times a man will leave you broken with dismay
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s other things to twiddle when your man has gone away
I remember Nelly, she was young and she was gay
She won the heart of Captain Dan but then he sailed away
He left her high and dry with just a kiss upon her chin
But as his ship went sailing out, another ship sailed in
CHORUS
Then there was Lucinda Brown, as fair as any maid
Her true love went to voyaging, a sailor man by trade
“Keep the fire burning, love,” those were the words he spoke
So she found herself another man to keep the fire stoked
CHORUS
Now when Lucinda’s man came back and knocked upon her door
She was as glad to see him as she’d ever been before
He left her lying on the bed but Lucy didn’t care
Course the poor guy in the closet sure could use a little air
CHORUS
You hear a lot of stories about the sailors and their sport
About how every lad has got a girl in every port
But if you added two and two you’d figure out right quick
That’s just because the lassies have a lad on every ship
CHORUS
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s lots of times a man will leave you broken with dismay
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s other things to twiddle when your man has gone away
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s lots of times a man will leave you broken with dismay
Twiddly-idle-idle-oh, twiddly-idle-ay
There’s other willies willing to twiddle when your Willy’s gone away
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6. |
Sweet Violets
02:07
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There once was a squire who met a young miss
He held her so close and then gave her a -
Bouquet of roses so lovely and red
That she took him by hand and then took him to -
Breakfast, where they both had coffee and eggs,
And when they were all done, she opened her -
Bag, but he said that she shouldn’t be crass.
He’d pay for their breakfast, he wanted her -
Sweet violets! Sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe with sweet violets
The squire then said as they stood on the dock
That he'd be most pleased if she sat on his -
Cloak that he put on a wet, sticky patch
To protect all her assets and keep dry her -
Skirt which she gathered around her to sit
As the squire reached over and stroked her left -
Ear where he whispered she’d been worth the hunt
And he just couldn’t wait till she showed him her -
Sweet violets! Sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe with sweet violets
Her father knew straight off his girl had been struck
By Cupid’s sharp arrow. He cried aloud -
“Squire, this Sunday my girl you must wed,
Then you can relieve her of her maiden -
Name, and you’ll give her a diamond, no jest,
Before you lay eyes or your hands on her -
Dowry. Don’t argue, to this point I'll stick!”
Said the lass, “Oh, no, father; I just want his -”
Sweet violets! Sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe with sweet violets.
Sweet violets!
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7. |
Another Toast!
00:10
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A toast! (A toast!)
Here's to champagne for my real friends...
And real pain for my sham friends! (Huzzah!)
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8. |
Where's the Rum
02:33
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When I was a wee lass
Me father said to me,
“Me darlin’ girl, this pub be yours
When all grown up you be.”
He taught me about business
And how to guard me bum,
And told me not to trust the men
Demanding shots of rum
CHORUS:
Where’s the rum? Where’s the rum?
Dear lord, please tell me, where’s the rum?
Well I thought me heart was breakin’,
But it’s just me head that’s achin’,
So someone tell me, where’s the rum?
Oh, please just pour some bloody rum
He warned me of the salty men
Who sail upon the sea.
They’d come with tales of derring-do,
Just trying to woo me.
They’d flirt and try to kiss me
And tell me I’m the one,
When all the while their deepest wish:
To drink up all me rum.
CHORUS
The devil rum can turn your head
While dancin’ on your tongue
Its promises of happiness
Are lies from songs long sung
For if it could deliver
A life of endless fun,
Then why are all the sailin’ lads
In need of yet more rum?
CHORUS
Of all the things me father said
To help me grow up strong,
His wisdom on this subject here
Has never been proved wrong
For a man home from the islands
Who’s felt the southern sun
Will never cease to crave the taste
Of good Jamaican rum
CHORUS
Bottoms up!
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9. |
A Young Man and a Maid
02:01
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A young man and a maid, put in all, put in all
Together lately played, put in all;
The young man was in jest,
The maid she did protest:
She bid him do his best, put in all, put in all.
With that her rolling eyes, put in all, put in all,
Turned upward to the skies, put in all;
My skin is white you see,
My smock above my knee,
What would you more of me, put in all, put in all.
The young maid’s neck and breast, put in all, put in all,
Lie open to his chest, put in all,
The young man was in heat,
The maid was still in need,
A little farther get, put in all, put in all.
When he had ended sport, was that all; was that all?
She found him all too short, was that all?
For when he'd done his best,
The maid she did protest,
‘Twas not a funny jest, that was all, that was all.
Twas not a funny jest, that was ALL, THAT WAS ALL.
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10. |
The Limerick Song
04:18
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A bather whose clothing was strewed
By strong winds that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along,
And unless I am wrong
You expected this line to be lewd.
CHORUS:
Thaaaaat waaaaaas a very nice verse
Sing us another one, just like the other one
Boom pecker pecker, boom pecker pecker
Boom pecker pecker boom
A pretty young wenchlette named Shellie
Had horrible pains in her belly.
She said, "I'm sure in Kentucky,
Not all the food's yucky,
But they sure make a terrible jelly."
CHORUS
There once was a very large dragon,
Whose urge to chase virgins was flaggin'
He said with a sigh,
I'm too fat to fly...
Please pull me around in this wagon!
CHORUS
A butcher who lived up the street
Had a ladyfriend who liked to eat
He said “come and kneel,
And I’ll feed you a meal”
She gobbled 9 inches of meat.
CHORUS
There once was a man from the sticks
Who wanted to write limericks
But he gave up the sport,
For he wrote them too short…
CHORUS:
Thaaaaat waaaaaas a TERRIBLE verse
Don’t sing us another one, not like that other one
Boom pecker pecker...
A prudish beekeeper named Lauren
Declared loudly, “Sex is abhorrent!”
Still some offered her money
To sample her “honey,”
‘Cause I don’t think they knew what “abhor” meant.
CHORUS
A man heading home from the bars
Saw something descend from the stars
What he thought was celestial
Was extra-terrestrial
And now he goes drinking on Mars
CHORUS
There once was a lassie from Norway
Who hung by her feet from the doorway;
It worked out quite well,
For when you rang her bell,
It actually counted as foreplay!
CHORUS
A wench is a sensual treasure
When working or taking her leisure.
We know when to squeeze
To weaken your knees
And take you to new heights of pleasure.
CHORUS:
Thaaaaat waaaaaas our very last verse
We won’t sing another one, not like that other one
Boom pecker pecker, boom pecker pecker
Boom pecker pecker BOOM
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11. |
Yet Another Toast!
00:10
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A toast! (A toast!)
Here's to the men who love me terribly...
May they soon improve! (Huzzah!)
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12. |
A Lusty Young Smith
02:42
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A lusty young smith at his vise stood a filing
His hammer lay by, but his forge still aglow
When to him a buxom young dame came a smiling
And asked if to work at her forge he would go
CHORUS:
With a jingle bang, jingle bang, jingle bang jingle
With a jingle bang, jingle bang in and out go
“I will,” said the smith, and they went off together
Along to the young woman’s forge they did go
They stripped to go to it, ‘twas hot work and weather
She kindled a fire, and soon made him glow
CHORUS
Her husband, she said, no good work could afford her
His strength and his tools had worn out long ago
The smith said, “Well, mine are in very good order.
And now I am ready my skills for to show.”
CHORUS
Red hot grew his iron, as both did desire,
And he was too wise not to strike while 'twas so.
Said she, “What I get, I get out of the fire,
So prithee, strike hard and redouble the blow.”
CHORUS
Six times did his iron by vigorous heating,
Grow soft in the young woman’s forge down below,
As often was hardened, still beating and beating,
But each time it softened, it hardened more slow.
CHORUS
The smith rose to go; said the dame, full of sorrow,
“Oh, what would I give could my husband do so!
Good smith, with your hammer come hither tomorrow,
But, pray, can't you use it once more ere you go?”
CHORUS x2
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13. |
Dicey Reilly
03:15
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CHORUS:
Poor old Dicey Reilly, she has taken to the sup
Poor old Dicey Reilly, she will never give it up
Well it's off each morning to the pop
And then she’s in for another little drop
For the heart of the rowl is Dicey Reilly
Long years ago when men were men and fancied May Oblong
Or lovely Becky Cooper, or Maggie's Mary Wong
One woman put them all to shame,
Just one was worthy of the name
And the name of that dame was Dicey Reilly
CHORUS
She walks along Fitzgibbon Street with an independent air
And then it's down by Summerhill, and as the people stare
She'll say, "It's nearly half past one
It's time I went for another bit of fun”
For the heart of the rowl is Dicey Reilly
CHORUS
She'll travel far to a dockside bar to have another round
And after one or two or three she doesn't feel so sound
After four she’s a bit unstable,
After five under the table
For the heart of the rowl is Dicey Reilly
CHORUS
Oh we carry her home at twelve o'clock as we do every night
Bring her inside and tuck her in, and then turn out the light
Next morning she'll get out of bed
Looking for a cure for her head
For the heart of the rowl is Dicey Reilly
CHORUS x2
Oh, the heart of rowl is Dicey Reilly
Yes, the heart of the rowl is Dicey Reilly
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14. |
A Man Like That
02:34
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I want a man who knows my hills and dales,
Who’ll keep my garden wet,
Who’ll chase the wolves and never fail
To give me puss a pet.
Have you ever met a man like that,
A man who’s made like that?
(Who’ll plow your fields both day and night?)
Have you ever met a man like that?
I want a man who can take the heat
Who will stoke my forge and fire,
Who pounds my metal hot and sweet,
And shapes my heart’s desire. (Her heart)
Have you ever met a man like that,
A man who’s made like that?
(A man who knows just when to strike?)
Have you ever met a man like that?
I want a man to tower over me,
Who's masterfully built.
A solid man who’ll stand the test of time,
With calves to rock a kilt.
Have you ever met a man like that,
A man who’s made like that?
(With shoulders you can put your feet upon?)
Have you ever met a man like that?
I want a man who sets my soul on fire,
A man with heaven’s key,
Who brings new meaning to “oh, god!”
When I'm down on my knees!
Have you ever met a man like that,
A man who’s made like that?
(With an angel’s smile and a devil’s touch?)
Have you ever met a man like that?
You can spend your life in drudgery
Feeling lonely, sad or fat
But you’ll never see who’s right in front of you!
No, you’ll never meet a man like that.
So lift your head and fluff your girls,
Sing and dance and laugh.
Give the game of life a loving whirl.
Don’t you know a man likes that?
Don’t you know we all like that?
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15. |
One Last Toast!
00:13
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A toast! (A toast!
Here's to the stork that brings beautiful babies!
And the swallow, that brings no babies at all!
(That's not how that goes!)
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16. |
Guarding Me Booty
02:28
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Gentleman Jim came to see me last night;
He wanted to raid me booty
He claimed me treasures were renowned;
He was captured by me beauty
But his sack was too light,
His dirk was too short,
And he had only pieces of three
So I sent him away with me boot on his bum
That pirate’s not for me
CHORUS
Yo, ho!
Yo, who?
Keep a civil tongue in yer head
Or ye’ll never see me treasures again
Nor ever warm me bed
Deedly-deedly-dee
Salty Sam came to see me last night;
He wanted to plunder me chest
He praised the treasures loud and long
Secured inside me dress
But he fumbled the lock,
His key didn’t fit,
And then he called me Bess? (that doesn't even rhyme with Cupcake!)
So I sent him away with a lump on his head
That pirate failed the test
CHORUS
Deedly-deedly-dee
Randy Dan came to see me last night;
He wanted to board me ship
He’d never sailed on a sloop so sleek,
Nor had an around-the-world trip
But he went overboard,
His hook scratched me deck,
Cupcake: and me sheets he damn near ripped
All: So I sent him away with a smack and a curse (Damn!)
That pirate should be whipped!
CHORUS
Deedly-deedly-dee-eee
Captain Jack came to see me last night;
He brought me chocolates and wine!
He dressed me in the finest silk,
Undressed me in good time
(SUCH A GOOD TIME!)
Laid his anchor so deep,
‘Til with joy I did weep,
And left me feeling fine
So me booty I shared, again and again
And traded his treasures for mine
And it’s Oh-Oh-OH-OOH!
With me feet up over his head,
He can tally me treasures again and again,
and ever warm me bed.
Me bed? And ever warm me bed.
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17. |
Men's Birthday Ditty
00:54
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Today is your day, you're the man of the hour!
Your swagger is strong, you exude manly power!
What's a wench to do, but to wish these things for you:
May your cock only crow when the timing is right
May your ass not get tired from morning till night
May your ale at the pub come with plenty of head
And the pusses you pet leave no fleas in your bed
In short may this year bring you naught but good luck
And a wench by your bed
When it's time to get -
TUCKED IN!
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18. |
Chastity Belt
04:18
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Oh say, gentle maiden, let me be your lover
Condemn me no longer to moan and to weep
Struck down like a hawk, I lie wounded and bleeding
Oh let down your drawbridge, I'll enter your keep
Enter your keep, nonny nonny,
Enter your keep, nonny nonny,
Let down your drawbridge, I'll enter your keep
Alas, gentle errant, I am not a maiden
I'm wed to Sir Oswald, that cunning old Celt
He's gone to the wars now for twelve months or longer
And he's taken the key to my chastity belt
Chastity belt, nonny nonny,
Chastity belt nonny nonny,
Taken the key to my chastity belt
Fear not, gentle lady, for I know a locksmith
To his shop we’ll go, on his door we will knock
And try to avail us of his special knowledge
And see if he's able to open your lock
Open your lock, nonny nonny,
Open your lock, nonny nonny,
See if he's able to open your lock
Alas, sir and madam, to help I'm unable
My technical knowledge is to no avail
I can't find the secret to your combination
Your cunning old master has fitted a Yale
Fitted a Yale, nonny nonny,
Fitted a Yale, nonny nonny,
Your cunning old master has fitted a Yale
I come from the wars with dire news of disaster
A terrible mishap I have to confide
As my ship was passing the Straits of Gibraltar
I stumbled and dropped the key over the side
Over the side, nonny nonny,
Over the side, nonny nonny,
I stumbled and dropped the key over the side
Alas and alack, I am locked up forever!
Wait, I’m the pageboy, just leave it to me!
If you will allow me to enter your chamber
I'll open it up with my duplicate key *produce key*
Duplicate key, nonny nonny,
Duplicate key, nonny nonny,
Open it up with my duplicate key! *fight over key*
Now dear gentle listeners, this song has a moral
And all who can hear this take warning by me
Don't lock up your partner unless you've a safeword
And always make sure there's a duplicate key
Duplicate key, nonny nonny,
Duplicate key, nonny nonny,
Always make sure there’s a duplicate key
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Just Desserts Gainesville, Florida
Just Desserts is a singing wench troupe based in North Central Florida. Formed in late 2011, we perform our fun, bawdy act every year at the Hoggetowne Medieval Faire. Visit our website at justdessertswenches.com or follow us on Facebook.com/justdessertswenches ... more
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